A lot of people ask me 
Am I afraid of death? 
Hell yeah I'm afraid of death, 
I don't wanna die yet. 
A lot of people think that I worship the devil, 
that I do all types of retarded shit. 
Look, I can't change the way I think, 
I can't change the way I am, 
but if I offended you, GOOD 
'cause I still don't give a fuck 

I'm zonin' offa one joint 
Stoppin' the limo 
hop in the window 
shoppin' the demo at gun point. 
A lyricist without a clue 
what year is this? 
Fuck a needle, here's a sword 
body pierce with this. 
Livin amuck 
Never givin' a fuck 
Gimme the keys I'm drunk 
and I've never drivin' the truck. 
But I smoke dope in the cab 
I'll stab you with the sharpest knife I can grab 
Come back the next week and re-open the scab. 
A killer instinct runs in the blood 
Empty your four clips and bury your guns in the mud. 
I've calmed down now 
I was heavy once into drugs 
I could walk around straight for two months 
with a buzz. 
My brain's gone. 
my soul's worn, my spirit is torn 
The rest of my body is still being operated on 
I'm ducked the fuck down while I'm writin' this rhyme 
'cause I'm probably gonna get struck by lightning this time. 

To all the weed that I've smoked, 
Yo this blunt's for you. 
To all the people I've offended, 
Yeah fuck you too. 
To all the friends I use to have, 
I miss my past 
But the rest of you assholes can kiss my ass. 
For all the drugs that I've done, 
Yo I'm still gonna do. 
To all the people I've offended, 
Ya fuck you too. 
Every time I reminisce, 
Yo I miss my past. 
But I still don't give a fuck, 
Y'all can kiss my ass! 

I walked into a gunfight with a knife to kill you 
Cut you so fast 
When your blood spilled it was still blue 
I'll hang you 'til you dangle 
And chain you at both ankles 
And pull you apart from both angles 
I wanna crush your skull 
'til your brains leak out of your veins 
And bust open like broken water mains. 
So tell Sadam not to bother with making another bomb 
'Cause I'm crushing the whole world in my palm 
I got your girl in my arm 
and I'm armed with a fire arm 
so big my entire arm's a giant fire bomb 
Buy your mom a shirt with a Slim Shady iron-on 
and the pants that match 
here mama try 'em on 
I get amastertive 
with a mouth full of adjectives 
A brain full of adverbs 
And a box full of laxitives 
Proof of all school accidents 
God help me 
before I commit some irresponsible acts again 

To all the weed that I've smoked, 
Yo this blunt's for you. 
To all the people I've offended, 
Yeah fuck you too. 
To all the friends I use to have, 
I miss my past 
But the rest of you assholes can kiss my ass. 
For all the drugs that I've done, 
Yo I'm still gonna do. 
To all the people I've offended, 
Ya fuck you too. 
Every time I reminisce, 
Yo I miss my past. 
But I still don't give a fuck, 
Y'all can kiss my ass! 

I wanted an album so rugged nobody could touch it 
I spent a million a track 
And went over my budget 
Now how in the fuck am I supposed to get out of debt 
I can't rap anymore I just murdered the alphabet 
Drug sickness got me doin' some bug twitches 
I'm withdrawn from crack so bad my blood itches 
I don't rap to get the women 
Fuck bitches 
Gimme a fat slut that cooks and does dishes 
Never ran with a clique 
I'm a posse 
Kamikaze 
Strappin' the mother fuckin' bomb accross me 
From the second I was born 
my mama lost me 
I'm a cross between Manson, Esham, and Ozzy 
I don't even know why the fuck I'm here in the first place. 
The worst day on this earth was my first birthday. 
Retarded 
What did that nurse say? 
Brain damage 
Fuck I was born during an earthquake 

To all the weed that I've smoked, 
Yo this blunt's for you. 
To all the people I've offended, 
Yeah fuck you too. 
To all the friends I use to have, 
I miss my past 
But the rest of you assholes can kiss my ass. 
For all the drugs that I've done, 
Yo I'm still gonna do. 
To all the people I've offended, 
Ya fuck you too. 
Every time I reminisce, 
Yo I miss my past. 
But I still don't give a fuck, 
Y'all can kiss my ass! 

My birthday passed i'm now 16. Gosh. 

Let's see what's has been new, I went on a ranch trip during the begining of august with hucklets and deniz, we went quading

 paintballing bingoing horseback riding 

smoking blunts in the car ripping touches buuurrrrzz and lastly SmMmmurrnoff.

I also went to jersey for a week with deniz, he won me a teddy bear, And we met rude mean people in jersey...They suck.

and im in love with deniz? kbye?

Edit: Tanya and chris arent allowed to leave me this isnt fair, why dont you call!!! >:0

[	mood	|	high	]
[	music	|	Biggy-10crack comandments	]

mmmmm im a bitch, suposdily everyone thinks that,  and I love it.

cause i really dont need anyone

I havent written in this thing in a while, but yes. Last night I saw ed, it was the worst experience ever, he was going to get his ass kicked but  they didnt do anything caue someone said not too. I hate him sOOoooOoOOo much and I thank him very much for not talking to me.

I dont like you

bye...

[

mood

|

crushed

]

I've come to realize and understand that I am NEVER drinking ever again, I say this because I don't know my limit and then let things get out of hand just a lill bit. I get too drunk and I loose shit

I think I lost my bowl, which sucks, I would've rather wanted to loose a 48954459435 beers over a bowl...my bowl

I hate myself.

[	mood	|	drained	]
[	music	|	Lost Prophets-Last train home	]

well well well well.

I've realized that I don't really see the people I used to see like shelly. I miss her so much and I dont know when we should hangout cause she's always at colins and I really dont want too go there, nor bring deniz cause then it'd be weird cause he wouldnt know people. But I guess you have to met people somehow. Also like andrew E. and the little townies. I havent been there in so long but I feel so relieved that I haven't been there, like I have no more problems or people to deal with I just go on my merry way to sofies pick up vodka or jeager or what ever I desire and continue on my way to the graveyard to get fucked up. and I dont know everyone is changing.

I dont knowww

shelly i miss youuu<3333333

DUo

[	mood	|	excited	]
[	music	|	Goo goo dolls-Iris	]

I have a boyfriend... :)

im happy

bye bye

[	mood	|	happy	]
[	music	|	Jack Johnson-Better together	]

Alot has happened since last updated. My group of friends keeps changing because I was so used to Ed and Nicole I dont know it all feels too weird and depressing,  but that doesnt matter cause nothing I think about them matters to them at all. I don't know what happend to them everyone tells me how awesome nicole used to be and I jnew her kind of when she was at that point. Im sure if I write this down and they look at it they'll get mad at cause they always are.

Nicole if you do read this then wtf. remember emma? me? kaitlyn? eric? shash? sean? we or you at least to be such good friends with all of them and now its like they had no impact or like you never knew them. At emma's party we had fun? remember that too. every memory with you in it always used to be fun. idk im sorry i just have to write this out.

Ed. I dont even no what too say too you.

Also I kind of have a boyfriend<3 he's adorable haha. I dont want to become obsessive or anything, but I cant stop thinking of him :) I miss this feeling it's nice. I snuck him in my house to sleep over twice so far...Hardcore son. I like my new group of friends they all look out for eachother and shit...and all them are guys? so thats cool. cause im liza.

[	mood	|	high	]
[	music	|	Necro-I need drugs.	]

Haven't updated in a while. Because nothing good is happenening.

When I come home from work
I'm fiendin' for an eight-ball
I got crack on my mind
I'm hearing cocaine call
Telling me to beep the dealer to deliver me stuff
Keep it a secret from my wife, cuz she thinks I don't use 
drugs
There I was, bleeding from my nose and damn
I couldn't breathe but I'm still thinking about the next 
gram
It's Friday night I'm not trying to leave my crib dude
I'll kill myself while the dealer's eating Japanese food
I ain't got no pride, while buying this shit
I'm lying to myself telling the runner I'm trying to quit
It's all make believe, I pretend that I'm true
When you give me credit, I'll dodge you every chance that I
get to
Even if its good, I'll sniff it up in a minute
Beep you back and complain that you put too much cut in it
If you fall for that and bring me a new sack
I'll be making more crazy faces than Jim Carrey on crack
Cuz yo I'm ripped, I owe you loot
Plus I annoy you
I deserve to be murdered, but the coke is doing it for you
I got nerve, can you put them pills on my bill
Yo I'll tell you we're friends and we don't even chill
I need drugs

I need drugs

Baking soda, cocaine, how sweet
I need to find me a crack pipe and I'm complete
I got these crack dealers chasing me through the cement 
jungle
Cuz they gave me shit to sell and yo I smoked the whole 
bundle
Yo I can't front - I got dope in my spleen
And I'm telling everyone at this N.A. meeting I'm thirty 
days
clean
I won't die even with tuberculosis
I could go on forever mixing dope with my methadone dosage
You could find me at Brighton Beach or Coney Island 
Or Rikers Island
My crack pipes my violin
I play along to the police siren
My eyes squint looking for crack on the floor 
picking up breadcrumbs and lint
I don't know who I am, ask me I couldn't say
I took a chance and tried to get clean and it lasted one day
Tried to go to rehab too but couldn't get admitted
And if there's money missing from your pocketbook you know
who did it
I need drugs

I need drugs

As a young teen I started with marijuana
Then graduated to coke cuz I needed something stronger
Mescaline, dust, downers, injections sensation
I love to experience a patient's medication
I smoked the drugs off the back of my hands
All I need is a hit of it and I'll create a new dance
Protect yourself, baby cover yourself up
My body swings all over once my seizure erupts
Into a frenzy, on the phone I got thirty sack
But when we meet face-to-face, I got ten dollars less
Made up my mind, I'm quittin' I'm swearing in tears
I'm not gonna get high, I'll only drink beers
Can't sit and wait for my dealer to come provide it
Gotta party to go to and I'm the only one invited
I search the whole house for the damn white mouse
And when I finally find it, I'll sniff the whole ounce
I need drugs

I need drugs

Dealer, listen to me
When I come home from work
Fiendin' for an eight-ball
Nose candy on my mind
I've come to realize, you need me
And if you want me to keep coppin'
Give me a free piece
It's my birthday
Yesterday
Anyway
I'm gonna go sniff this
I'll beep you in an hour
I hate you

I have to clear my head, so here's me babbaling, (not directed towards anyone so shut up)

I don't like today, I got smacked with reality that someone is probably going to O.D on something and die. This person is rotting from the inside out because of drugs, and I'm too dumb too see how horrible it is. But getting sick everyday and throwing up daliy I would assume isnt a good sign of anything. I hope people can come to their sense before they start doing shit and get stuck in a trap and relayance on drugs, it's stupid and pathetic. and why the FUCK are people starting to smoke cigerettes. It the dumbst thing I have ever seen. Honestly If i could change one thing it would be that first drag of that cigerette.

And dont come to the trailz with a cigerette and "pretend" to inhale cigerettes too be cool. its really not you look like a fool

bye bye.

{note: if it makes you less sadd I will die by your hand}

[	mood	|	uncomfortable	]
[	music	|	Death cab for cutie-A lack of color.	]

^- this is my best friend, notice a ring on her finger. She is 16 and engaged, this is a day I should be happy. I would be if it came a little later like in 5 or 6 years so i can actually have a life and memories to hold on too with her...

this is weird

this sucks

goodbye.

{note: I should've given you a reason to stay}

[	mood	|	curious	]
[	music	|	Pink Floyd-Wish you were here.	]

                                                                                                    We can wait for the wind to blow
                                                                                                       or give me a look so cold
                                                                                                               It gives me chills
                                                                                                          and ends the summer war
                                                                                                                My eyes roll
                                                                                                       Around and over and again
                                                                                                               Falling down,
                                                                                                     Dizzy with sun stroke
                                  
                                                                                                           I'll be there
                                                                                                  And I'll try to identify
                                                                                    Try to look through the grey skies in your eyes
                                                                                        And pick up everything you left behind

                                                                                                          Cross your fingers
                                                                                                         and pray for winter
                                                                                                              I'll be there
                                                                                              Painting the town your favourite colour

                                                                                                Guess I'll call or see you around

[	mood	|	content	]
[	music	|	Foo Fighters- Everlong.	]

My parents want to kick me out and send me away

goody goody.cant wait.

Also I think its HILARIOUS when people talk shit about others and say they HATE them and then hang out with them...very funny

and when friends are mad at you what ever friend they have t hat u share side with the other person and not talk to you too

but whatever.

{Note: My cock is much bigger then yours}

This weekend I

• Almost saw my friend get arrested
• Went to rocky point.
• Got wasted and slept over a kids house for a 2 day party ( I only went one day)
• Had my first uewap. (doubled rolled L)
• Had a wake an bake with Nick and a blunt lol.
• Went too adams house and had tequilla ,wine and mini bongs..
• Shelly slept over
•  Saw clarke<3. ( I used to go out with him)
• Went to a hukkah bar.
• blah blah blah

I dont feel like writing.

Im also Erasing people because thats the only way to get rid of them, I gave you a week to apologize, but now....Nope nope nope...

{note: rocky point/ this weekend was awesome kthnxbye}

[	mood	|	happy	]
[	music	|	Incubus- Magic Medicine.	]

Push it out 
fake a smile 
avert disaster 
just in time. 

I need a drink 
cause in a while 
worthless answers 
from friends of mine. 

It's dumb to ask 
cool to ignore 
girls possess me 
but they're never mine 

I made my entrance 
avoided hazards 
checked my engine 
I fell behind 

{Note: Life= Happy.}

Im going to enjoy myself this weekend Im too excited...Hukka bars, Clubs, Wastedness ahhh, I need summer 

[	mood	|	creative	]
[	music	|	Musical Youth- Pass the Dutchie	]

Today was a very eventfull exciting day. First off I didnt sleep at all last night so I just sat in my room and smoked. Then I went too school blah blah blah my sister is in washinton so i dont see her for a while...woohoo.

6th period I went off with amanada, shelly, t-murph, and tony, It was fun I didnt get back till 8th, Im going to get in trouble in health...Oh joy.

Other then that things we're alright, Im kind of tired so yeah PeAcEoUt.

{Note: I kind of want a boyfriend not really... but no one reads this so who careeeesss}

lol

[	mood	|	blah	]
[	music	|	The Format-On your porch.	]

You know that point in your life when you realize the house you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? That idea of home is gone. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people who miss the same imaginary place

I hate it how people when they have problems with you dont directly tell you, they just assume like you know everything.

But I don't care anymore I've had it, it's over. This is what you fucking wanted, well you have it. You've been trying to get rid of me for a long time and im not comming back so whatever.

Today was funn I went to school, got marked absent cause I cut class and I told my mom I went too town for lunch so now she thinks I cut the whole day, which isnt true. I got home after driving around with Stu and shelly and tony for a while, after that we got sean and dropped shelly and tony off. We basically drove around but it's nice being around people who dont secretly dislike you and not tell you anything. I feel like a huge weight just got lifted off my shoulders. Today my dad also "beat" me for me being annoying apparently whatever, I want too get sent away too boarding school or somewhere other then this place. I cant wait for summer though shelly and I are going to go the California and I was going to take someone to Jersey, but Ill just take her instead.

p.s- Usually when people get fucked up they dont brag about it, not meaningful atleast, usually everyone says " Holy shit I had so much fun, Im sooooo fucked up" which is the truth but apparently, thats wrong too do and it will result in a loss of a friend. lol how ridiculous.

{Note: if you have something wrong with people don't hide or ignor it tell them, and dont pick out everything they do wrong in order to have a reason to hate them}

bye bye :)

[

mood

|

lonely

]

I hate this thing.

nothing good is happening, nothing worth writting is going on, no one likes me, my life is annoying, I just want too be non- exsistant and move far far away and have no one remember me. I am nothing.

bye.

[	mood	|	bitchy	]
[	music	|	fuck you.	]

It's funny how you can be really really reallllly happy all of a sudden and then just get crushed. Instanstly.

I hate myself take 2.